2008 is coming to an end and 2009 is on its way. What a year it has been. Time passed so quickly i didnt even realise a new year is coming. I have no idea what i've really done this year. Many things seemed to have happened, but at the same time, it feels as if nothing much has happened. The release of A level results, university applications, the church saga.. Everything. It has been a weird year. Many people gave their testimonies and most said they had a bad year. I find my year neutral actually. Perhaps it wasnt so good in the beginning because i was a little lost and directionless. But towards the end it wasnt that bad. Whatever happened, i thank God for everything in this year.
Firstly, my A level results. I didnt do very well and for a while i was quite depressed. Im not trying to boast here but seriously i have never ever thought i'll end up in SIM. I mean i have been doing relatively well since primary school. My teachers, parents, uncles and aunties had high expectations for me. I had high expectations for myself. But i was too complacent. I played too much. I wasnt motivated. I thought i could still do it with last minute work. Apparently i was wrong. A levels was a nightmare, and if not for God and the encouragement from my teachers and friends, i suppose i would have given up completely. Though my results werent good enough for local universities to accept me, i thank God for His grace. For the entire 2 years in JC, i was wasting my time. I slept in lectures and tutorials, i dont do my tutorials, i simply couldnt care less. Yet in the final lap, God gave me the motivation and strength and my teachers pushed me really hard with all the consultations and little talks. I managed to pass with improved grades for all my subjects for the very first time in my JC life.
Secondly, my university applications. Though my grades for A levels improved compared to that in my schools exams, they werent good enough for me to get into a local university due to the high level of competition among my peers. I was devastated when all the local universities rejected me and when all my appeals werent successful. I had many other options and i asked God for His opinion. His answer for me was SIM. I couldnt accept it at first but i trusted Him eventually. Though occasionally i still feel pangs of regret for not making full use of my two years in JC, im happy with where i am now. I met good friends there and i did quite well for my first semester. God knows me best and this is the place for me.
Finally, the church saga. I was disheartened initially when it happened. I thought," What's happening to our church? Has God left us? Has He abandoned us?" Many pessimistic thoughts flooded my mind and i didnt even feel like going to church because suddenly the whole place felt so empty. But i thank God because He let me know that He hasnt left and He has and always will be there. He will never abandon His children. I thank Him for people who continued to keep their faith in Him, who encouraged all others who were like me, who spread the hope of the Lord to those disheartened. And now, things are getting back on track. We are now closer to each other. Personally, i believe that God is trying to unite us.
Indeed, praise and glory be to God! There's just one thing. Things may be on track now, but i feel that my walk with God is becoming stagnant. I havent done much for Him this year. I feel that i haven drawn closer to Him this year. And sometimes i wonder, is it just me? Or is it the case for many others in church too? We may know each other better now with more outings and all, but have we forgotten to include God in our gatherings? Are we having too much fun and missing the point of fellowship? Are we being too comfortable? I feel the poke of the thorns amidst the roses, a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit perhaps. I wonder...
My new year wish for 2009 is that God will show me the calling He has for me, a long term ministry that He wants me to serve Him in. I also wish that all of us in church will draw closer to God, be more willing to give and be prepared to fulfil whatever purpose He has for each of us. All in all, i thank God for His providence and sustenance through 2008 and i look forward to an exciting 2009 with Him! (:
